I'm Back!!!

I'm back from my winter sabbatical called "hibernation through illness" This winter was a good one with many people getting sick over and over again with flu type symptoms. I jumped onto that band wagon big time. While I didn't abandon my new found life style, the last 12 weeks didn't go quite to plan. So while I didn't reach my newly set goal and in fact while I struggled to keep my previous achievements (which I didn't); I did succeed in not letting it all go to pot and put all the weight back on. I struggled tooth and nail to keep a grasp onto my 78kg and keep my BMI under the obese range. I actually ended Round 3 of the 12 WBT program at 79kg. I am calling this my consolidation phase and now moving on.

Well Round 4 has commenced and I was up at 6am reconnecting with my much loved Mish Bridges exercise DVDs. This was followed with a walk to work - round trip of 4km. Nice way to start and end the work day. I keep the installments of my audio book for walking, so if I want to hear more I have to walk. Lol.

My daughter has just sent me a photo from last year,

 Yep, I'm happy with that - for now. Can't wait to see the next comparison photo. Actually I'm more that happy with this, as it has helped me to see the difference and I feel so much better about myself even though I flopped my last round.

WooHoo!! Look out - things are only going to get better from here.

Woo Hoo! I have run non-stop for 1 kilometer!!!

Yes that is right! I have done it! I'm so excited, to think I have done the impossible and the unimaginable - for me. I have run 1 km on my treadmill. It was hard but I was determined to keep going. The longest I have run was for 3 minutes. Towards the end I was making some pretty ugly panting noises. It must have sounded like I was dying. Boy it takes a long time. Haha. I did my 1 km in 7 minutes 40 seconds. Woo Hoo!!!  And no that is not me in the photo but it will be... one day!!!!!

And what is wrong with second?

I've started out this round with the high hopes and desires of smashing out a great result. I have imagined myself 10kgs lighter, I have visualized fitting into size 14 clothes (dared not to imagine size 12). I have put it in my goals, shouted it from the mountains and blogged about it. I have even booked a flight to Perth for the finale party with real dreams of receiving an award on stage by non-other than Michell Bridges herself.

As the weeks have ticked by, slipped by, by God sped by - it is becoming clearer and clearer that those hopes, dreams and desires were delusional. My head is screaming, you are mediocre, average, below average, not special, not a winner, A FAILURE. God help me I gave away my size 18 clothes.

What is going wrong? I have stuck to the nutrition program, most of the time. I have gone to the gym, most days. It has been a sneakily unnoticed unravelling, however not to have noticed was delusional in itself.  I have been fighting the flu (for weeks), developed a renewed relationship with asthma, plus to be brutally honest I am fighting decades of me being me. 

So with me being me, there is a need to embrace the dance of one step forward and two steps back, until I notice it; and then turn it around to two steps forward and one step back. And as Morrie Schwartz said, 'What is wrong with second?' I agree. What is wrong with second, as long as I keep dancing. 

My beautiful daughter Lara is a blessed testament to this type of thinking. Lara who is intellectually impaired is up for anything. No matter what competition she entered, be it swimming, running or whatever, she would fly past the finish line with arms joyously waving in the air shouting, "I HAVE WON!!! I AM THE WINNER!!!", to the loud cheers of family, friends and other kind observers with our knowing smiles at her enthusiasm in coming dead last (every time).

So I want to (in my imagination) go up on that stage at the finale in Perth, in September, with my arms joyously raised and shouting, "I HAVE WON!!! I AM A WINNER!!!", because I am following the nutrition plan, most of the time and going to the gym, most days. This gives me much to play with, so much room to improve and grow. Forever growing longer legs for bigger strides.

Run In A Relaxed Manner

Isn't it funny that we are always getting to somewhere, always doing something; needing to finish this or start that and usually in a rushed and harried manner. Our bodies and minds are programed from birth to achieve and  seek success in this modern society. We are tense, tight and anything but relaxed. Even though I'm a practitioner of mindfulness I still struggle with transferring the mindfulness during sitting practice through to 'being' practice (everyday life). 

This occurred to me today while I trudged along on the treadmill trying to turn myself from a non-runner to a runner. Thud, thud, thud; pant, pant, pant. Teeth gritted, determined with the wise words of, "There is only one way through this... and it's the hard way'. Trying to push from 1 minute running before I drop back to a walk, to 1 minute 30 seconds, to 2 minutes. What a joke when people run for hours and kilometers. So with curiosity I started to play with just relaxing. I began my run focusing on my feet as they hit the treadmill - heel strike, ball of foot and off the toe; moved up to both legs feeling an easy stride, looking for tension and relaxing it; moved up to my body, shoulders, neck, arms, checking in on my lungs - all good. Getting out of my head and 'being' in my body.

My head wants to check the time and I refuse to look as I know that will burst the bubble, as head stuff always does. Bother, like Lot's wife I couldn't resist, I looked - 3 minutes my record, yippee ... and then I stopped. Now I will have to work on that head game. Ha ha.

Double pic-ing (reusing picture) - for my benefit - I'm sure not yours.  

Learn to Run- Bahaha That's a knee slapper!

On Your Mark,    Get Set,    GO!

What?   Who me?    Now?

Really?   You're not kidding?   You want me to run?

Look out that stop watch is ticking.

OK, OK,   I'm going ....

......And going....

........................And going!

How many ..... laps ..... for 1 Km???

Ok, I'm walking it in - this time.

I'm Having a Mental Event

I am prowling the kitchen agitated. Home late from work, school event from 6 - 7pm, quick groceries shop in a empty shopping center (as everyone else is at home), then home. It is late, dinner preparation time is long over, so toasted chicken and salad sandwich was decided as a sensible healthy quick fix for all. Now I'm stressed and wanting some soothing. I'M STILL HUNGRY. My son has a chocolate bar in the fridge which is for school - can't eat that; there is flat sparkling wine in the fridge from visitors on the weekend - I put that down the sink; spotted the raisin bread crusts left over from breakfast on the bench - my hand reaches out for it and then I remembered what this is - I'm having a mental event. This hunger is above the neck so I've come here to type to get out of that kitchen. Thanks for reading, the moment has passed. I can now go back to the kitchen to clean up and stay 'clean'. :)

Gooving with Benny Goodman to Sing, Sing, Sing

 

Grooving in Grandpa's garage to old vinyls from Hooked on Swing, Benny Goodman (you must look him up on iTunes), Caramba (Roberti Delgado)  to Johnny Cash. My younger sister Lauren, Mum, Dad and I were getting our 30 minutes a day. Actually Lauren and I danced, exercised and gym machined for 1hour and 36 minutes, and donated 800 plus calories to the universe each. That is my best effort to date. It always amazes me how effortlessly this happens with music, great company and 'no-bodies looking' dancing.

Lauren is getting into shape to walk Cradle Mountain in Tasmania this Christmas and has done a marvelous job so far. Dropped at least 2 dress sizes, she looks marvelous. So the baby of the family becomes the leader of the way and mentor to her older sisters. She is such great value. As you can see Mum has always been a groover from old and as for my Dad, he is a National level masters kayaker. Wow, I do come from good stock so I'd better get over this hump and get cracking. Shake that tail feather, rattle that roll,

"...And all the Jazz"

JFDI - Just Fricken Do it

 

Yes that is me just about to head off to the gym at 5.20am - again. It was dark and freezing - JFDI, JFDI, JFDI, was racing through my head. 'Robot mode' was another manta I was reciting that morning. However once in the gym it was warm, well lit and filled with other fellow insomniac Eskimos. It was actually very enjoyable as I had the Queens Diamond Jubilee concert on the large flat-screen to exercise to. I was grooving with Cliff Richards who was doing some really inappropriate hip gyrations for a chap of his age and Grace Jones who looked just plain silly singing and doing her own gyrating with a hool-a-hoop. But when you think about it they were out there moving and grooving and living life just as I am trying to do, though I usually save that kind of moving to the privacy of my kitchen dance sessions.

Woo Hoo!! Look at me Mum!!

Yes that is me up at 5am and ready to go by 5.20am. (I need to work on that turn around). It was dark, raining and very cold out, but I'm grooving to go for my first work out. Actually I was awake at 4.35am with the flannelette sheets pulled over my head cursing my enthusiasm, or more likely, my anxiety for this first day. I bet that will wear off quick smart. 

Once in the car with the dark morning surrounding me, demister on (and not working), windows down to reduce the fog inside the windscreen, I drove down my road when a deranged laugh ripped from within me - this is madness, who does this sort of thing. In disbelief I noticed so many other cars on the road and wondered where on earth were all these people going at this ridiculous hour of the day. I decided to think that they too were all heading off to their gym to put in a healthy 50 minutes to start their day. And even more encouraging once at my gym there were actually people in it. I was certain it would be deserted until the more decent hour of 6 or 7am but no at least 10 others where there, and so I thought there must be hundreds more in my town alone, at that time of day, doing the same thing, and thousands and thousands more through out this country. Now that thought was encouraging. Wow there is a whole other, unknown, world out there with many fellow compatriots going about, doing their own healthy thing to draw encouragement from. 

So tomorrow and the next day, and the next, and the next at 5am when my alarm blares and I think "NOOOOOOO!! I CAN'T", I'll remember all my buddies out there getting up in the dark and cold, and I'll think "Hold up, wait for me, I'm coming!"

 

On the Eve of the New Round

It all begins tomorrow. All the preparation of pre-season have been attended to and ticked. However for the last week solid I have been down with a flu. Not a bad head cold that we self-sorrowfully call a flu, but the type that one realizes how silly it is to call a head cold the flu. I have rested, had cold tablets, lemon drinks and olive leaf extract to move this on before start date. I will take it easy with Mondays work out but work out I will. Wish me luck!!!

My Renewed pledge to myself and to all who care to read!

Below is my commitment rejigged for Round 2, 2012 of the 12 week body transformation. This pledge has been seriously considered, refined and recommitted to. It has been printed, laminated and posted on the blessed refrigerator, a most worthy noticeboard.  P.S. I lost 6kg last round, decreased in 1 dress size, I laugh more and I let a lot more go through to the keeper than I use to. So round 1 I do call a success and I have signed up for more, which in reality means I have signed up for more life and more living.

  I am committed to do the work it takes to get me there. I am committed to losing 10kgs this round of the 12-week body transformation program (12WBT). I am committed to losing 20kgs by the end of 2012. I am committed to my mindfulness practice (MBSR) to improve my focus, my personal inner strength and integrity. I am committed to being the best version on myself here and now - forever growing. I am committed to dancing in my kitchen, laughing out loud and singing in the shower. I am committed to supporting my fellow 12wbt family members and I am committed to trusting in the process.

I accept the outstretch hands of all my supporters; my cheer squad, my family friends, my dear girlfriends, my sisters, my extended family here and far away, my mother, my father, and most precious of all my children. I shake your hands, each and every one of you and in return for the support and love you all give me and the faith you have in me, I commit this to you – I will be growing longer legs for bigger strides NOW!!!

So…, with 3 quick Hail Mary’s and Our Lady of the Way pray for me, the journey has begun again in earnest. How could it go wrong with so much support and love behind me, including myself - the strong, determined, committed, intelligent, caring woman that I am.

12WBT Round 1 - Warm Up; Round 2 - Crunch Time!!!

This is so exciting. I never want 12WBT (i.e. 12 Week Body Transformation) to end - and for me it won't.  This is my life now ... and I'm just getting warmed up!!

I've trudged through the flabby mud of pain and despair with the Biggest Losers (BL) on TV over the past 11 weeks. I've shot off the back of my treadmill with their highs and lows. I've balled my eyes out as Margie (BL contestant) swung off the canyon, for me, in Switzerland. I cried and cried for her fears, her strength, her determination, her success and for myself... For all I've lost, for all my heartache, for all my regrets, and now for my own successes. I truly am a mad woman running and crying on my treadmill (watching BL). Thank God my kids love and support me, as well as laugh heartily at me, um... with me. 

(Biggest Loser Australia Series 7 Week 14 Switzerland Canyon Jump)

I've gained in strength and lost in weight. I have a ways to go and now I must journey on and on and on, as I really get it. I use to diet with a the mindset of ...when I'm slim I can eat this pie again, ... if I lose 5kg I can enjoy all those foods I'm denying myself. That is so funny now.

I love the food I am eating now and, even more exciting, my family does too. I look forward to and savour treat night; without the tasteless insatiable glutinous gorging that I lived before. The sheer joy of sipping a glass of wine and being satisfied with just one, or biting into a fresh baguette with pesto and truly tasting it, positively enjoying the experience with all it's delicious sensations. And most importantly knowing what I am doing, knowing it is a well earned treat meal, not a treat day or week or month or …

Warm up is just about finished; soon it will be time to smash out a great round 2 - for growing longer legs for bigger strides.

A Challenge for Myself

Well I did it. Last night I did 600cals in one session. Had I been pulling the wool over my own eyes for all of round 1, thinking that was "toooo hard" and "I CAN"T!!"?  [We've heard that nearly daily on the Biggest Losers at the beginning of the series] ... or because of round 1 was I able to imagine digging a little bit deeper and raising the bar? Do you know what, I think I have been holding back on myself. Haha it wasn't that awful. It did take me 1 1/2 hours of treadmill walking/sprints and wild dancing with my new iPod strap on my arm with high energy music pulsing through my head and rhythm flowing through my body.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is, what was impossible in week 1, somewhere along the line becomes so possible, so do-able that it was a no-brainer but I missed that point of when it was possible by continuing to think it was impossible. Wow I will have to keep my mind open for my next increase in level of fitness as it approaches in round 2. I have set a goal to climb Table Top Mountain in Toowoomba - always been too scared of the effort and pain but not now. Was to do it today with my sister Lauren but it got rained out. It has been rescheduled not cancelled. Will update with photos. P.S. I am talking about beginner stuff, as some people would scoff at Table Top Mountain, Lauren has done it plenty of times, but it is my Mount Kosciuszko.  Cheers

Opps! Sorry Leinie, I stuffed up :{

Well the temptation of Easter and Easter holidays was interesting. What one week of little exercising, dinners out and coffee shops will do. My old nemesis, my undo-er of all past good efforts. Oh my, I love holidays too much.

Okay, confession time - I gained 1.1kg over that period. Boohoo :( 

And that is all I have to say about that  ;)

Stay tuned for the big turn around 'cause as we know an aeroplane does not fly in a straight line to get to its destination, it meanders slightly off course and corrects, then meanders slightly off course again. The main thing is that it continues to self correct. Also on this theosophical note, meandering off course is a great time of learning, ... again   (said with Forrest Gump's disheartened intonation).

What I have to do now is reflect on the changes that my journey so far has made to my life and refocus on them:

1. I have gone from a tight size 18 to a real size 16, not an almost, too tight 16!!! And my dear sister Lauren who is one step ahead of me, on her health trip, has given me an entire arm full of wonderful shirts and trousers. I have been wearing not-so-dressy T-shirts for so many years now that all my work colleagues have commented on how good I look.

2. When I wake up in the morning I no longer shuffle stiffly along from the bedroom to the bathroom like an old lady, I kid you not, I was shuffling - but now - no more.

3. This is my favourite: Arriving to work there is a long and steep set of stairs to get into the back of the building. I use to walk up them puffing and panting, bent over and pushing my hands on my thighs to climb up them. After resting at the top, I would continued puffing all the way through the building right into my office. That puffing was a right give away if I was trying to sneak into work late. Ha ha. NOW, I love it as I mount those stairs in my new upright and spry manner.  I spring into those steps on the balls of my feet with a huge grin on my face. I'm up at the top before I know it, and without a break in my step I stride into work.

4. Ha ha - this one is yukky and awkward to talk about, but important for all those that experience this............ I now can cut and paint my toe nails with ease. (Eek ... that was embarrassing to write).

5. I know I'm happier, I sing more (well that one was easy as I haven't sung for years) and I'm always dancing around my kitchen, laughing and waving my arms in free abandonment, with or without music -  and yes scaring my kids and dogs. Hee hee!!!!

Anyway - back on the horse or bike or treadmill, or whatever - Lookout happy me!!!!!

Look out for the Speed Wobbles!!!!

Wow four weeks have flown by. I have never been so busy. I'm up at 5am to do my mindfulness practice (meditation) and then exercise gear on  at 6am where I go crazy for 45 minutes. Needless to say I'm exhausted after a full day at work from 8 to 4.30. Then it's mother's hat on for after school activities and home duties. Saturdays are just as busy with 'Super Saturday Session' (my big Saturday exercise session - part of the 12wbt), mother's sports duties, washing, ironing etc, etc.

Thank goodness for online shopping, as up until recently the only time I had to get the groceries was Sunday after church (now doesn't that sound wrong). So with a huge smile on my face I welcomed Mr Coles as he brought my shopping to my door last night. 

Part of the program is nutritious meals of 1200Cal per day. From berry smoothies, tandoori chicken salads to tonight meal - Grilled stuffed zucchini with tomato balsamic chutney. The best part is that every meal we have had, both Dominic and I have LOVED!! Now I've been on many diets with meal plans and have never been able to say that before.  Each week when the new weeks meal plan, recipes and grocery list is unlocked (online) Dominic and I get excited about the coming week. Yippee there is green prawn, steak and mushroom sauce, laksa curry, salads with goats cheese feta and walnuts - yum yum!

So how have I gone??? I have gone from 85.8kg to 81.0kg. I ran/walked 1km in 8.50minutes 4 weeks ago and this week I did it in 8.10minutes. I can do 13 more push ups in a minute than I could 4 weeks ago and my body is 15cm smaller. {Big Smile}. My children and I went into out first fun run - Toowoomba Peak to Park. Anna and Dom did the 10km run and Lara and I did the 4km very fast walk (lol). I had sore muscles for 2 days after that. 

However with such determined dedication to my health, children and home duties, the wheels were getting really wonky and the speed wobbles where getting a bit scary. With so much to do the one thing that I haven't been doing was my uni assignments (and my blog haha). Not that I'm a high achiever (sure), but this has put such a huge strain on my mental health that I've decided to reduce my working hours temporarily to 4 days/week. This will be interesting when I get my next pay slip. Eek!

Well that is 4 weeks in a nutshell - lets hope that I don't wait another 4 weeks to write.

                                                         Speeding around Quinn St oval!!!

Chilly 7am at Picnic Point Lara & I ready to go.  Lara needing an ice pack after a little slip at the end

                                                       

What a great team!! I'm so proud of my children and the support they have been giving me. 

Thanks guys. XXX

Thighs trembling, palms sweating, I'm standing at the starting block!!!

Wow this is it. It is about to officially begin. Am I nervous - you bet I am. I have told everyone. Facebook-ed about it, blogged about it, told everyone at work about it (wish I didn't do that one). I certainly got it out there. I am feeling a wee bit ill about that now. I really, really hope this isn't another "Take 397" and fall flat on my big fat tummy :(   ... Any hoo enough selfdoubt.

So... I have the menu plan, the shopping list and the exercise plan printed off. I have got myself organized with a folder, will go shopping tomorrow and have a practice of my exercise plan.

 

 Nah just kidding - something to aim for - in my dreams. Ha Ha.

Today I did the fitness test and I came in as a beginner - love the photo's? One girlfriend sent me a poster with -"No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everybody on the couch!" I absolutely loved that and while I was doing my 1km run/walk/crawl I kept that in mind. (Time achieved - 8:49 minutes). My personal trainer, motivator and cheer squad for the day was my middle daughter Anna. She did the 1km in 5:00 minutes. I did 16 wonky knee pushups in a minute, Anna did 32.

Anna and I doing my fitness test together. We ended the session with a yoga class that Anna does at work - still flexible: once a dancer always a dancer!!! Hee hee.

 

"Now I shout it from the highest hill. Even told the golden daffodils!!!"

My pledge to myself and to all who care to read!

I am committed to do the work it takes to get me there. I am committed to losing 10kgs this round of the 12 week body transformation program. I am committed to losing 20kgs this year. I am committed to mindfulness (MBSR) to improve my focus, my personal inner strength and integrity.   Michelle (Bridges)... I accept you outstretch hand and I shake it with enthusiastic determination. I will trust in the process of your 12WBT.

I accept the outstretch hands of all my supporters, my cheer squad, my family friends, my dear girlfriends,  my sisters, my extended family here and far away, my mother, my father,  ... my children. I shake your hands, each and everyone of you. In return for the support and love you all give me and the faith you have in me, I commit to this to you ... I will be growing longer legs for bigger strides NOW!!!

This pledge is printed, embellished, embossed, coloured and plaster all over my fridge. 

Goodness, I'm a bit nervous now, (like very) about posting this blog. Writing this was easy, but now to push post is making me feel ill. However shouting it from the highest hill I must and from the highest hill I will. 

... I have just had a most wonderful remembrance of Nana Holm, ... my goodness I have goose bumps, as her presence is so strong. She is reminding me to say, "three quick Hail Mary's followed by three, Our Lady of the Way pray for me."  This was how we always started any car journey with Nana.  I use to do that too with my own children.... I wonder when I stopped. Thank you Nana, I miss you. Big tears. Lots of them lately, but tears and pain embedded in adipose tissue will give an interesting topic to blog about another day. Ha ha.

Sooo...... With 3 quick Hail Mary's and 3 Our Lady of the Way pray for me, the journey has begun, it can't go wrong. How can it with so much support behind me, including myself (the strong, determined, committed, intelligent, caring woman that I am).

Go on push post, ... go on ... GO ON WILL YOU!!!!!

Feel the wobble, embrace the wobble 'cause soon it will only be a memory!

"Here I stand on the precipice of a great journey. I have stood here many time before over the past 8 years and have not reached my goal. Will I succeed? I don't know. Though saying that is not being defeatist, any more than screaming I shall succeed, leads one to prevail. What I do know is that I wish to succeed, I desire to succeed, I want to succeed ... I need to ...

    Can many small steps, no matter how dogged, trump past inept good intentions? ? ? Yes that is it. That will be my motto, 'Many small steps', for now, and maybe in time I shall grow longer legs for bigger strides."

Excerpt from my journal 27th December 2011, after my caring daughter pulled me aside to voice her concerns about my weight, my health. I could not envision at that time the possibility of anything more than small steps. Only 1 month has past and I can feel the possibility. Truly taste it. Feel it in my waters (as my Nana would have said). Gone is the motto, 'many small steps' - dogged and all, as I am growing longer legs for bigger strides NOW!! 

I joined Michelle Bridges 12WBT, joined forums, getting involved and getting ready. The 2012 / 1 season hasn't even started yet. I haven't seen a single eating plan, nor put foot to pavement but have lost 3 kg already.  We are in preseason and wow we are getting it together.

At first a bit impatient to get thing going but I now realize how important this preparation time is, as I am getting real, gearing up and taking control. I had an awesome 90 minute dance session in the kitchen today to high energy music. I danced and danced, I sweated, I laughed and cried. Sounds funny but it was truly the beginning of my 12wbt journey. 

My body was doing it's thing, my soul was reconnecting to the dancer I once was. I was so joyfully in the moment and I let it rip!! I shook, I shimmied, I pranced and twirled. I heffalumped grand jetes through the lounge room.  The music was blaring and I thought ... feel the wobble, embrace the wobble for it will soon be only a memory. And I did, I trembled, I quaked, I moved in any way I could to shake that stuff, for I was giving it notice ... "Thank you for being there to protect me during those long dark year but now it's adios amigo".

This is all about the weight.

I'm a single mum of three - two still at home. One is in high school and the other is a young adult with disabilities.  My middle child is in Brisbane at uni. I live in Queensland, work full time and study part-time at uni. My weight has been a sneakingly increasing issue since my divorce 8 years ago. Now I'm 50 this temporary gain has grown to 20kg and looking permanent.

 It was one of my children who, with serious concern, said at Christmas that she loves me just as I am, always has and always will, but now she is worried about my health. That was my wake up call to stop and have a good look at myself. As a health professional I know only too well how serious the health risks are and how they skyrocket with each passing year. She is right - it is time.    

Me on the right 2004

January 2012

I have always loved practicing mindfulness meditation and dancing, both of which I have neglected for some time now. So I'm kicking off my 12wbt 1/2012 with a 'Glee dancing in my kitchen' party for one, with hair down, twirling, arms waving, feet tapping - bring it on!