Woo Hoo! I have run non-stop for 1 kilometer!!!

Yes that is right! I have done it! I'm so excited, to think I have done the impossible and the unimaginable - for me. I have run 1 km on my treadmill. It was hard but I was determined to keep going. The longest I have run was for 3 minutes. Towards the end I was making some pretty ugly panting noises. It must have sounded like I was dying. Boy it takes a long time. Haha. I did my 1 km in 7 minutes 40 seconds. Woo Hoo!!!  And no that is not me in the photo but it will be... one day!!!!!

And what is wrong with second?

I've started out this round with the high hopes and desires of smashing out a great result. I have imagined myself 10kgs lighter, I have visualized fitting into size 14 clothes (dared not to imagine size 12). I have put it in my goals, shouted it from the mountains and blogged about it. I have even booked a flight to Perth for the finale party with real dreams of receiving an award on stage by non-other than Michell Bridges herself.

As the weeks have ticked by, slipped by, by God sped by - it is becoming clearer and clearer that those hopes, dreams and desires were delusional. My head is screaming, you are mediocre, average, below average, not special, not a winner, A FAILURE. God help me I gave away my size 18 clothes.

What is going wrong? I have stuck to the nutrition program, most of the time. I have gone to the gym, most days. It has been a sneakily unnoticed unravelling, however not to have noticed was delusional in itself.  I have been fighting the flu (for weeks), developed a renewed relationship with asthma, plus to be brutally honest I am fighting decades of me being me. 

So with me being me, there is a need to embrace the dance of one step forward and two steps back, until I notice it; and then turn it around to two steps forward and one step back. And as Morrie Schwartz said, 'What is wrong with second?' I agree. What is wrong with second, as long as I keep dancing. 

My beautiful daughter Lara is a blessed testament to this type of thinking. Lara who is intellectually impaired is up for anything. No matter what competition she entered, be it swimming, running or whatever, she would fly past the finish line with arms joyously waving in the air shouting, "I HAVE WON!!! I AM THE WINNER!!!", to the loud cheers of family, friends and other kind observers with our knowing smiles at her enthusiasm in coming dead last (every time).

So I want to (in my imagination) go up on that stage at the finale in Perth, in September, with my arms joyously raised and shouting, "I HAVE WON!!! I AM A WINNER!!!", because I am following the nutrition plan, most of the time and going to the gym, most days. This gives me much to play with, so much room to improve and grow. Forever growing longer legs for bigger strides.