With Forrest Gumps' ho-hum voice, "I am back - again"

Well what can I say but... Yes, I'm back again and I'm gotten off track again & another 12WBT (12 week body transformation) program has rolled by again. I have signed up again to get back on track. I will not give up, ever, as to do so would be giving up on my happiness, on me. 

I've been told when a plane flies from point A to point B it doesn't fly in a straight line. It drifts off course before the pilot corrects, it then drifts off course again before the pilot corrects again, all the way to it's destination. My goal is to recognize and correct much faster using consistency as my guiding motto. As a back up motto I'll borrow from Yoda - "Try not. Do, or do not; there is no try."

Voila` (there you go). Time will tell.

What difference could 10 weeks make?

What difference could 10 weeks make? That is the question I am posing to myself...

More to come.

I'm Back!!!

I'm back from my winter sabbatical called "hibernation through illness" This winter was a good one with many people getting sick over and over again with flu type symptoms. I jumped onto that band wagon big time. While I didn't abandon my new found life style, the last 12 weeks didn't go quite to plan. So while I didn't reach my newly set goal and in fact while I struggled to keep my previous achievements (which I didn't); I did succeed in not letting it all go to pot and put all the weight back on. I struggled tooth and nail to keep a grasp onto my 78kg and keep my BMI under the obese range. I actually ended Round 3 of the 12 WBT program at 79kg. I am calling this my consolidation phase and now moving on.

Well Round 4 has commenced and I was up at 6am reconnecting with my much loved Mish Bridges exercise DVDs. This was followed with a walk to work - round trip of 4km. Nice way to start and end the work day. I keep the installments of my audio book for walking, so if I want to hear more I have to walk. Lol.

My daughter has just sent me a photo from last year,

 Yep, I'm happy with that - for now. Can't wait to see the next comparison photo. Actually I'm more that happy with this, as it has helped me to see the difference and I feel so much better about myself even though I flopped my last round.

WooHoo!! Look out - things are only going to get better from here.

Woo Hoo! I have run non-stop for 1 kilometer!!!

Yes that is right! I have done it! I'm so excited, to think I have done the impossible and the unimaginable - for me. I have run 1 km on my treadmill. It was hard but I was determined to keep going. The longest I have run was for 3 minutes. Towards the end I was making some pretty ugly panting noises. It must have sounded like I was dying. Boy it takes a long time. Haha. I did my 1 km in 7 minutes 40 seconds. Woo Hoo!!!  And no that is not me in the photo but it will be... one day!!!!!

And what is wrong with second?

I've started out this round with the high hopes and desires of smashing out a great result. I have imagined myself 10kgs lighter, I have visualized fitting into size 14 clothes (dared not to imagine size 12). I have put it in my goals, shouted it from the mountains and blogged about it. I have even booked a flight to Perth for the finale party with real dreams of receiving an award on stage by non-other than Michell Bridges herself.

As the weeks have ticked by, slipped by, by God sped by - it is becoming clearer and clearer that those hopes, dreams and desires were delusional. My head is screaming, you are mediocre, average, below average, not special, not a winner, A FAILURE. God help me I gave away my size 18 clothes.

What is going wrong? I have stuck to the nutrition program, most of the time. I have gone to the gym, most days. It has been a sneakily unnoticed unravelling, however not to have noticed was delusional in itself.  I have been fighting the flu (for weeks), developed a renewed relationship with asthma, plus to be brutally honest I am fighting decades of me being me. 

So with me being me, there is a need to embrace the dance of one step forward and two steps back, until I notice it; and then turn it around to two steps forward and one step back. And as Morrie Schwartz said, 'What is wrong with second?' I agree. What is wrong with second, as long as I keep dancing. 

My beautiful daughter Lara is a blessed testament to this type of thinking. Lara who is intellectually impaired is up for anything. No matter what competition she entered, be it swimming, running or whatever, she would fly past the finish line with arms joyously waving in the air shouting, "I HAVE WON!!! I AM THE WINNER!!!", to the loud cheers of family, friends and other kind observers with our knowing smiles at her enthusiasm in coming dead last (every time).

So I want to (in my imagination) go up on that stage at the finale in Perth, in September, with my arms joyously raised and shouting, "I HAVE WON!!! I AM A WINNER!!!", because I am following the nutrition plan, most of the time and going to the gym, most days. This gives me much to play with, so much room to improve and grow. Forever growing longer legs for bigger strides.

Run In A Relaxed Manner

Isn't it funny that we are always getting to somewhere, always doing something; needing to finish this or start that and usually in a rushed and harried manner. Our bodies and minds are programed from birth to achieve and  seek success in this modern society. We are tense, tight and anything but relaxed. Even though I'm a practitioner of mindfulness I still struggle with transferring the mindfulness during sitting practice through to 'being' practice (everyday life). 

This occurred to me today while I trudged along on the treadmill trying to turn myself from a non-runner to a runner. Thud, thud, thud; pant, pant, pant. Teeth gritted, determined with the wise words of, "There is only one way through this... and it's the hard way'. Trying to push from 1 minute running before I drop back to a walk, to 1 minute 30 seconds, to 2 minutes. What a joke when people run for hours and kilometers. So with curiosity I started to play with just relaxing. I began my run focusing on my feet as they hit the treadmill - heel strike, ball of foot and off the toe; moved up to both legs feeling an easy stride, looking for tension and relaxing it; moved up to my body, shoulders, neck, arms, checking in on my lungs - all good. Getting out of my head and 'being' in my body.

My head wants to check the time and I refuse to look as I know that will burst the bubble, as head stuff always does. Bother, like Lot's wife I couldn't resist, I looked - 3 minutes my record, yippee ... and then I stopped. Now I will have to work on that head game. Ha ha.

Double pic-ing (reusing picture) - for my benefit - I'm sure not yours.  

Learn to Run- Bahaha That's a knee slapper!

On Your Mark,    Get Set,    GO!

What?   Who me?    Now?

Really?   You're not kidding?   You want me to run?

Look out that stop watch is ticking.

OK, OK,   I'm going ....

......And going....

........................And going!

How many ..... laps ..... for 1 Km???

Ok, I'm walking it in - this time.